I'm a bigger fuck-up than you...
Yeah, yeah... I know the last post was a tad outrageous. I know he will see it at some point. Chalk it all up to a sick mind and too much wasted time.
I am so motherfucking tired. I can't even begin to wonder how this day is going to go... I went to a law school society function last night that featured free bear and food. I didn't eat but I drank probably upwards of two pitchers by myself. I was drunk when I left, and I went home and drank more, smoked some weed, took some pain killers, and then passed out. I didn't study. Haha motherfuckers. After about an hour at the function last night, all the responsible, function kids left to go study, but not me. Not today. Instead, I had a party and went to bed all nice and fucked up.
One "stick up the ass" moment from last night's function, besides hearing all the responsible, functional kids whining about how much they have to study, was when a second year female student heard me talking about my former girlfriend... "yes, yes, my girlfriend, girlfriend, Girlfriend!"... and turned her entire body around, trying to look non-chalant, and gave me a freaked-out look before turning around again. I then said, loudly, something about the second years being shocked and horrified. To give her credit, at least at that point she started laughing and admitted that she turned around to look at me because she wanted to make sure that she heard that correctly and that she "didn't expect to be hearing that..." Oh yeah, I am sure that I am the only queerish-type in the entire law school. Right.
I am having a really hard time staying awake.
Now for a moment of ranting. This week, a fraternity at UT, the Delta Tau Deltas, held their spring pledge week that ended with the "Mekong Party." The entire week was Vietnam-era military themed. The frat house, on the corner of Dean Keeton and San Jacinto, was decorated with era style camo, tree sits, and netting, and the entire set up was surrounded by cut bamboo set in the ground to look real. This was blantantly racist to me, but apparently not to the rest of the entire university or Austin. "Mekong Party"? I wonder if the residents of the Mekong thought it was a party when our imperialist drive spurred our invasion and destruction of their homeland. Even from an America-centric perspective, the Vietnam era is not something to be celebrated. However, I think that this is an attempt on the part of the baby-boomers and the generations afterward to sort of recoup their losses, regain some national pride, and completely re-write history to recast Vietnam as a huge sacrifice on our part in the attempt to do something right, and even when we lose and an entire generation of veterans are fucked up afterward, it just shows how strong and herioc we are. We could put up with "the horror... the horror", to quote one example of rascist war-mongering propoganda that is often mistook as an "anti-war" statement. The kind of blatant dismissal of the pain that others have suffered and endured as a result of our foreign policy is incredible. It boggles the mind.
My criminal law class just finished. I spoke up today on behalf of all us addicts out there, and lots of people have come up to me to tell me that they supported me. I advocated a position that was a little more absolute than I might even agree with, but it seemed like it needed to be done to counterbalance all the personal responsibility shit motherfuckers were spitting. If you are an addict or have really known one, you know that shit is powerful. Its not a choice anymore. But most people learn that the hard way, and I think I can say with great confidence that most law students are not addicts. Not like me. They don't know what its like to crave a drink, to sweat after you quit cocaine, to imagine the powder running down your throat, to relive the feeling of your heart pounding so gloriously fast and hard. It's not easy to resist, and I wasn't even all that into it. There are people who are much worse than I ever was. The great irony is I am sitting here talking about addiction in class while I am recovering from last night's bout of irresponsible fun. I couldn't even think of my words my head is so clouded.
Today is not shaping up to be so good. I feel a depression settling in. What can be done?
I am so motherfucking tired. I can't even begin to wonder how this day is going to go... I went to a law school society function last night that featured free bear and food. I didn't eat but I drank probably upwards of two pitchers by myself. I was drunk when I left, and I went home and drank more, smoked some weed, took some pain killers, and then passed out. I didn't study. Haha motherfuckers. After about an hour at the function last night, all the responsible, function kids left to go study, but not me. Not today. Instead, I had a party and went to bed all nice and fucked up.
One "stick up the ass" moment from last night's function, besides hearing all the responsible, functional kids whining about how much they have to study, was when a second year female student heard me talking about my former girlfriend... "yes, yes, my girlfriend, girlfriend, Girlfriend!"... and turned her entire body around, trying to look non-chalant, and gave me a freaked-out look before turning around again. I then said, loudly, something about the second years being shocked and horrified. To give her credit, at least at that point she started laughing and admitted that she turned around to look at me because she wanted to make sure that she heard that correctly and that she "didn't expect to be hearing that..." Oh yeah, I am sure that I am the only queerish-type in the entire law school. Right.
I am having a really hard time staying awake.
Now for a moment of ranting. This week, a fraternity at UT, the Delta Tau Deltas, held their spring pledge week that ended with the "Mekong Party." The entire week was Vietnam-era military themed. The frat house, on the corner of Dean Keeton and San Jacinto, was decorated with era style camo, tree sits, and netting, and the entire set up was surrounded by cut bamboo set in the ground to look real. This was blantantly racist to me, but apparently not to the rest of the entire university or Austin. "Mekong Party"? I wonder if the residents of the Mekong thought it was a party when our imperialist drive spurred our invasion and destruction of their homeland. Even from an America-centric perspective, the Vietnam era is not something to be celebrated. However, I think that this is an attempt on the part of the baby-boomers and the generations afterward to sort of recoup their losses, regain some national pride, and completely re-write history to recast Vietnam as a huge sacrifice on our part in the attempt to do something right, and even when we lose and an entire generation of veterans are fucked up afterward, it just shows how strong and herioc we are. We could put up with "the horror... the horror", to quote one example of rascist war-mongering propoganda that is often mistook as an "anti-war" statement. The kind of blatant dismissal of the pain that others have suffered and endured as a result of our foreign policy is incredible. It boggles the mind.
My criminal law class just finished. I spoke up today on behalf of all us addicts out there, and lots of people have come up to me to tell me that they supported me. I advocated a position that was a little more absolute than I might even agree with, but it seemed like it needed to be done to counterbalance all the personal responsibility shit motherfuckers were spitting. If you are an addict or have really known one, you know that shit is powerful. Its not a choice anymore. But most people learn that the hard way, and I think I can say with great confidence that most law students are not addicts. Not like me. They don't know what its like to crave a drink, to sweat after you quit cocaine, to imagine the powder running down your throat, to relive the feeling of your heart pounding so gloriously fast and hard. It's not easy to resist, and I wasn't even all that into it. There are people who are much worse than I ever was. The great irony is I am sitting here talking about addiction in class while I am recovering from last night's bout of irresponsible fun. I couldn't even think of my words my head is so clouded.
Today is not shaping up to be so good. I feel a depression settling in. What can be done?
posted by thankgodforpbr at 1/25/2006 06:52:00 AM
2 Comments:
Believe me, I know how to fuck up. You may be bigger but I know better. Cheers!
"What can be done?"
I've heard that a shot of bourbon-I mean Berman-wait, no, bourbon-does the trick. ah, what the hell, try them both.
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